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Marriage therapists explain the difficulties in second marriages

A recent article on second and third marriages takes a look at why so many of them end up as second or third divorces. It’s easy to speculate about why statistics show second and subsequent marriages are more likely to end in divorce, but the writer of the piece decided to talk to marriage therapists and counselors instead.

The relationship pros came up with a list of seven reasons why those later unions are more likely to come apart than first marriages. We'll take a look at a few of the reasons here in our blog post.

A therapist who counsels men said that too many couples enter second marriages before they have found closure with their first marriages. So when a spouse entering a second marriage is still communicating with a first spouse -- and still emotional over issues involving a first spouse -- it can raise trust issues in the second partnership.

Obviously, if the first marriage produced children, it is extremely likely that the divorced parents are going to continue to communicate and interact.

A family therapist said that in second marriages involving children, divorce can sometimes be easy when a stepparent has not bonded with her or her stepchildren. Divorce can then "even feel like a relief" for the spouses and children alike. The therapist also points out that a second divorce can sometimes be easier to initiate because divorce is no longer an unknown quantity.

"You’ve been through it once before, you know you can do it again," the therapist says.

A psychologist says that in some second marriages, expectations are simply too high. People sometimes believe that they will avoid all the mistakes and problems of their first marriages, only to find out that their second marriages also have problems and disagreements. Even minor disputes can seem irreconcilable in the context of too-high expectations.

No matter which twists and turns bring you to the point of considering divorce, you need to have your rights and interests defended throughout the legal process by a skilled attorney experienced in family law matters.

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