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Part II: Long-term look at divorce

In our previous post, we took a look at the Nashville Ledger's recent extensive article on marriage and divorce. The piece takes a look at the statistical trends in divorce (people in first marriages are staying together longer) and marriage (folks are much more likely to cohabitate before marriage than they were in decades past).

Marriage and family therapist Gordon Brewer says for many people, marriage problems begin to surface about 2-5 years into the union. He said, "That is when the initial feelings of being in love have faded, and they have to get down to the brass tacks of knowing each other and how to be committed to each other."

The newspaper also spoke with financial adviser and divorce financial analyst Rosemary Frank, who said that people who are divorcing in their 20s and 30s today have less fear and fewer regrets than people did in the past.

She said younger couples know they have time to recuperate financially and that many take "great satisfaction" in pointing to a flawed marriage, and admitting "'this was a mistake,' rather than stay(ing) in a bad situation.”

She says younger couples "less sensitive to the value of retirement assets" and often go into divorce not caring what happens to the 401k or IRA. "That's a big mistake," Frank says.

Finally, therapist Brewer notes that while divorce stigma has eased, here in Tennessee there can still be powerful religious beliefs that hold couples together. "People do come to it agonizing over the fact they are in a miserable relationship, neither one is happy, but they don’t believe it is right to be divorced."

No matter the thought processes you go through before arriving at the decision to divorce, an experienced Nashville attorney can help you get through the legal processes as well.

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